easter stuff ~

easter eggs were dyed ....

easter baskets were full of fun goodies .....

and silly treats too ....

family time was extra special ....

and extra silly, too ....

the easter egg hunt has ALWAYS been a good time ....

and having the youngest cousins spend time in the 'doghouse' made all of us laugh!

sack races have ALWAYS been a big easter hit too ....

especially when grama joins in the fun ....

the kids' table looked so festive ....

bunny ears included ....

the food was delicious .....

and the sheep cake was so cute!!

so even though we had a great day,  a really great day, grampa was missed a lot -- by all of us.  our first holiday without him.  everything felt strange, a bit off.

i keep telling zoe and ella that even though our hearts hurt a lot because we really miss grampa, that's actually a really good thing -- when we love big we miss big.  we loved grampa a lot so we miss him a lot too.

and even though tom and i had to cancel dinner plans friday night to celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary because ella was sick; and even though ella and i missed out on celebrating easter on saturday with the rupprechts because she still wasn't feeling well, tom and zoe still had a really nice time seeing grandma della, two of tom's brothers and their families; and even though tom missed out on celebrating easter with the mclains on sunday because he wasn't feeling great; and even though zoe missed school yesterday because she woke up super early in morning not feeling well; and even though there is a big hole in our family now with dad gone -- our easter weekend was a really nice one.  it was good to see family and just have time together.

.... and our anniversary dinner rain check?  can't wait ....

Spring Break 2012

A week or so before break our backyard looked like this:

We didn't get a lot of snow this Winter so it was fun to play in and beautiful to look at.  It also melted pretty quickly, and then we had unseasonably warm weather.  So warm we had to buy tulips to give to Ella and Zoe's teachers .....

Lucky the Leprechaun also visited our house the week before St. Patrick's Day -- and once again he left his usual green messes, special treats and fun notes .....  He was even in Buffalo for the time we spent there; where he left us sugar cookie dough to make shamrock cookies, made the white flowers that Grama had turn green, and on St. Patrick's Day he left a trail of shamrocks to two pots of gold (actual gold dollar coins and shiny new pennies) --- and when we got back home he had filled the girls' bedroom with green balloons --- they were beside themselves with excitement!

The girls and I also did a lot of 'girly things' together, since Tom worked (he actually took the week before off because I was conferencing and had a few late nights at school -- so it worked out well).

The yummy-smelling facials made us all laugh a lot .....

.....  and getting our nails done at a real nail salon was very grown-up ....

But just spending time with Grama was the best, like having lunch at McDonalds ....

.... and being the only people playing in the playland (with the 'fun'est and coolest Grama ever, still climbing and sliding and keeping up with the almost 6-year olds)!!

Playing with Grama's neighbor kids was a lot of fun too, lots of bike rides .....

and monkey bars practice .....

Even Grama got in on the fun!!

Riding the neighbor kids' scooters gave us two good ideas for birthday gifts too ....  

.... and just running around, jumping in leaf piles, playing hide and seek -- it was all SO good.

It was also really fun taking care of Auntie Jen's dog Belle while Jennifer and her family were on their yearly trip to Cozumel.  This dog, who really thinks she's human, was so loved and cared for by Zoe and Ella.  She was hugged, and massaged, petted, and read to.  She even was covered with blankets when she slept, her water and food dishes were carried to her if she didn't come to them, and she even had her nails painted purple (just the front ones though, we didn't want to overdo the look).  Belle really lived the good life for those few days .....

The best of it all though was having extra time with my mom.  I wish we lived closer so we could do this more easily during the week ....  I love spending time with her, and so do Ella and Zoe (Zoe actually cried almost the whole drive back to our home when we left Buffalo, and each night when I tuck the girls in one of them will cry and say they want Grama -- their connection to her is very strong and very, very important -- lucky girls).

It was a really great Spring Break.

But we missed Grampa.  A lot.

Dad's Funeral ~

I have so many different thoughts about everything that's happened since January 12th, but even though it still does not feel right at all that my Dad is not around anymore, life does go on.  My job continues to take so much of my time and energy (there are still many parts of each day that are crazy, but there are more and more moments where I feel like things are coming together better), and Zoe and Ella have so much going on with their own school activities and almost six-year old lives (which is another topic that's hard for me to take in).  Most days I don't feel like I'm doing a great job as a teacher OR as a mom -- the days that are hard are really really hard, but the days that go well feel SO good.  One of many things I'm behind on is blogging -- documenting our adventures with Ella and Zoe.  I have a lot to share but for now I'm going to focus on my Dad.

Dad's funeral was on a very cold, but bright and sunny Minnesota winter day.

We had a visitation prior to the service and it was estimated that over 300 people came throughout the afternoon, despite being in the middle of a work day in the middle of the week.  And those people that took the time out of their day to hug my mom, sister, brother and me; to share their own stories about my Dad; to let us know how much he meant to them and how much he will be missed --- to pay tribute to my Dad --- were a combination of family, my Mom and Dad's friends, friends of my sister and brother, my friends, past teachers the three of us had in elementary and high school, business aquantences of Dad's from over the years and even friends of his grandchildren.  The church was full of older people and younger people, and people in-between -- and they all had some connection to my Dad.  I think that says a lot about what kind of guy he was.

 The service itself was what my Mom was hoping for and was a funeral my Dad would have really liked.  It was a perfect tribute to him -- very personal and special.  My mom's handbell choir played 'Let There Be Peace on Earth', the whole congregation sang 'You are My Sunshine' and our family exited the church to 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame'.  It really was perfect -- Dad would have loved it.  We decided on a private burial at the cemetery so we had the military rights performed outside of the church, which was very touching, but because it was so cold out the bagpipe player couldn't play at the cemetery like we had planned.  Dad was buried with his childhood baseball and baseball mitt -- again, perfect.

Driving back to the church for the reception Ella started to quietly sob.  I wasn't sure if she was really overwhelmed with all of the emotions or if she was feeling sick (right after Dad died she was diagnosed with scarlet fever).  When I asked her  she started to cry harder and told me she was just really sad.  It broke my heart.  It was the  first time I couldn't really comfort one of my daughters.  I felt the same way and completely understood, I was really sad too and seeing my girls in pain made me even more sad.  The only thing that made me smile a little, as we drove back into the church parking lot Ella said between tears, 'Oh no!  I don't want to go back there again.'.  I didn't either, I totally understood those thoughts too.

When Dad died I knew I wanted to write about him, I needed to.  But I wasn't sure if I would be able to actually read what I had written at his service (I cry easily at touching commercials so I knew speaking anyone's funeral, let alone my Dad's, would be hard for me).  Those few days right after he died were full of so many strange experiences, so many different emotions, so many things that needed to be done, lots of tears but lots of laughing, and a sick kid to take care  too.  It was a lot.  It was great having time with my family but there were also so many moments that were just plain surreal (all of this still feels that way to me in many ways).  One time I actually prepared some soup for Dad, knowing that it would be too rich for Mom but that Dad would really like it .....  and quite a few times I thought one of my uncles was my Dad, until he turned around and I would see his beard.

Two nights before his funeral I sat down and wrote about my Dad.  It was really a rough draft but it felt really good to get on paper.  When we planned Dad's funeral I shared that I would like to read what I had written.  I felt good about it all -- almost (not fully), confident.  That night I couldn't sleep (which I hadn't been able to that much since Dad died), and felt almost sick thinking about standing up in front of a group of people trying to read without crying.  I told Tom I couldn't do it, he told me I didn't have to.  I told my family I couldn't do it, they told me I didn't have to.  We decided if I felt up to it I could but if not my sister would read for me, or I could just keep my writing and know that getting those thoughts down on paper was enough.  That night Tom edited what I had written and the morning of Dad's funeral I felt better and thought maybe I could do it, but I still was glad I had the option of not reading if I didn't feel I could.  We decided all three of us (my sister, brother and me) and my sister's kids (Elise and Jack) would go up together.  It wasn't my greatest attempt at public speaking but I did it, and the only way I was able to was having my sister and brother next to me -- and the only two people I looked at while I read were my Mom and Tom.  Jennifer also read what Jack and Elise had written about their Grampa (which was very touching) and my brother did a great job speaking too.  We all stood together and shared our Dad and Grampa -- and it felt really right.  I think he would have really liked that part.

This is what I wrote and read:

My Dad was a complex person who found joy in the so-called simpler things in life.  He had many interests and was successful in his working life, but he had a passion for the outdoors -- hunting, fishing, all types of sports.  He loved quality one-on-one time with his dogs over the years, especially Maggie, and loved the art of woodworking -- making finely crafted creations of all types in his basement workshop.  But what he loved above and beyond anything, and absolutely lived for, was simply time with his family.

The following inspirational poem, 'Success', by Ralph Waldo Emerson, could have been a blueprint for how Dad lived his life:

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children;

to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better,

whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

Dad enjoyed trying to make the day of each person he encountered just a little bit better, a little brighter -- and he usually succeeded.  His trademark firm handshake, sincere look in his eyes, and warm smile always gave people the feeling this was a guy who was happy to see them and glad to spend time with them.  That simple, warm feeling that he conveyed -- all too rare in today's fast-paced world -- was enjoyed by countless people over the years after spending time with Dad.

He was someone who rarely, if ever, raised his voice, yet he held the respect of many people (even his beloved dog Maggie needed only a whisper of a command to follow through with his requests).  As a confident, yet very sensitive guy, Dad had an uncanny way of bringing calm to almost any person or situation.

The night after Dad died I was looking through some of the things left out in his bedroom -- photos, papers, and so on -- when I saw his wallet sitting out on his dresser.  It was a typical "Dad wallet" -- well-worn black leather, very thick -- I picked it up and flipped it open.  The first few things I saw in there seemed to sum up who Dad was:  his driver's license had a nice picture of him (despite being a driver's license photo), showing his usual warm smile.   I noticed he was listed as a 'donor', even though at this stage in his life he may well not have been healthy enough for donation, it was typical that he'd figure if there's even a small chance of helping someone else in some way, he'd take the chance.  The next thing I saw in the wallet was a piece of paper behind protective plastic, that listed what were clearly some of the most important numbers in his life:  Mom's cell number and school number; the birth dates of his three kids (of course he knew them, but he always wanted a reminder to never forget them); and he also had listed the birth date and date of death of his dog Maggie.  And no, there was no listing of Mom's birthdate or their anniversary because there would never be the slightest chance of Dad forgetting either of those two dates!

These things, plus recent photos of his seven grandchildren, seemed to sum up Dad:  caring, compassionate, and always focused on his family.

It's hard to imagine life without my Dad, but he lived his life well -- and our world is a better place because of him.

I love you Dad, we will miss you.

Picture boards we had displayed at the funeral (click to enlarge):