Tuesday, February 14, 2012

~ Valentine's Day 2012

....  despite having Valentine's Day sickies at our house {lots of laundry, I'll leave it at that}, the extra snuggles, cuddles and time just being together today made my day EXTRA special ....

I love my sweet Valentines (and these photos I took of them right before Christmas, I'm a little behind with my posts) ....

Thursday, February 9, 2012

more on my dad ~

Four weeks ago tonight my dad died.  It still doesn't seem real, in fact it seems more unreal as more time goes by.  It feels like he's been on a vacation and should be coming home soon.  I miss talking with him.

I didn't think dealing with his death would be this hard.  I knew it would be a really sad time, that I would always miss him and feel that void, but I didn't anticipate how the finality of it all would affect me.  How sad it would make me feel when I let myself really think about his life being done, being over with.  I am not ready for this part of my life -- my life without my dad in it.

Maybe being so busy with work and keeping up with Zoe, Ella and Tom's schedules is a good thing, not having a lot of extra time to think about things.  But I've found it's been easier putting a box around my thoughts and not letting myself really feel how I feel, or it would be hard to stop crying.  It reminds me of how I felt at the start of this past school year -- it was so hard being away from the girls for such long days and not being part of their days that it was physically painful at times, and I had to not let myself think about it or I wouldn't have stopped crying.  Same thing now.

And when I do let myself really think about it all, knowing I didn't get a chance to say goodbye is really hard.  He's my dad -- he's been part of my life my whole life, and it just seems wrong that he isn't anymore.

But I have a lifetime of wonderful memories and a lot of reasons to smile, like I do when I look at these photos, some of my favorites of my dad over the years ....

(Proud Paratrooper of the 82nd Airborne Division)

~ Last photo of my Dad, with the Christmas gift he never used but liked to look at (some sort of woodworker tool)